Where are you from?

The response to the question “Where are you from?” has generated some engaging conversations over the years. Whether it’s in workshops or during personal interactions, I have always found it a loaded question and one that can lead to a feeling of not belonging.

When I respond personally, I give the long answer, “I was born in Egypt, raised in New Jersey, lived in many places, including South America.” I have found that I want to give a complete answer to a colorful life that shaped me. While I live in Seattle, I am not “from” here, Seattle is not the place that shaped the middle aged adult I am now.

I have found that people who hold a dominant culture identity are sometimes perplexed that not everyone finds this question welcoming or inclusive. Quite the opposite, it can be perceived as a way someone wants to verify how much you don’t belong.

If you are wondering what to ask instead as you are getting to know someone, consider asking, “Where did you grow up?” This is a less off putting question. I suggest offering that information yourself first, saying something like, “I grew up in New Jersey and I miss the fabulous Italian food that was found in abundance. Where did you grow up and is there anything you miss from your childhood?”

This is a bid for connection and a way to let the other person know you are interested in them as a person.